Ok...I don't really know who "they" are or what they have thought of...it just sounded like a good title! So sue me...
I have been in a funky mood lately...and I am not really sure why. It's not that I am in a "bad" mood per say...it is just that I am a complete bitch! I am very easily irritated and pissed off lately. People don't even have to do anything...even just standing too close to me may get your head bitten off. It is a weird combination...being in a normal mood but super bitchy at the same time...
The scary thing is...I like it! I like being a bitch to everyone for no reason. I am fed up with people and their happy go lucky attitude...that everything will be ok...and life is full of rainbows and fluffy bunny rabbits...some days I want to rip the heads off of thoes bunnies...leaving their twitching and bloody bodies in a mangled heap of indistinguishable fur and flesh. And you know...to get a rainbow...it has to rain first! And I am happier when it rains.
I am tired of bottling everything up...I have been bottling everything for years...and I wanna stop. I can't seem to get angry when someone pisses me off...I smile and make up some lame excuse for them...and bottle it...and it is getting harder and harder to swallow my own lies. I want to scream and yell when I'm mad. I want to cry when I'm hurt. I want to stop hiding my true feelings behind polite-ness...I hate my happy mask...It feels so suffocating...And as the bottle of my hidden emotions gets fuller I get more and more emotional and unstable. And then one day...*SNAP*...*BLAM*...I blow up at some poor undeserving soul...or maybe a very deserving soul...but they do not deserve the full front of my rage...no...It needs to be shared and spread amongst the ones who made it...
Surprisingly it usually takes alot to piss me off...and not many people have really seen me blow up...but when I do...it's like a mushroom cloud of rage, slashing at anyone who is near...you know what they say...It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for...there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. I'm the cashier.
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13 comments:
I'll agree with you Mel. Sick and tired of happy people. I can deffinitly see you as the cashier. But ou can't shoot me cause you don't have a gun, just don't chop me up then!
I'm kinda a mix of both. I knew most of the time when not to yell at people, but there are those certain ones that just deserve to get slap and then up one side then the other.
I'm with you all the way Mel! Just remember you piss me off I'm going to tell you in a nice way.
Yeah...and vice versa...unless you are an innocent by stander when I blow...but is there such a thing as an innocent by stander?
Mel, you are not alone in your feelings. I hope that you can find a balance that will work for you.
If they do nothing what so ever towards you yes they are innocent bystanders. But if they piss you off then it's different.
I think that is what I liked about working at HeL, was Vic. We fought alot but I never really snapped at anyone else. And we never got violent with each other either. I should call Vic just to fight with him... *ponderment*
Yeah...balance...I want to start yoga or meditation or something to help me clear my mind when I need too...
I'm looking into classes and such...
By th way...Thanks Carol...I am coming up to Vancouver in October...Hope I get to visit with ya'll then!
noodle caboodle
glad you are coming to check out the show. Makes me smile.
Thanks! i am looking forward to it...
I know what that's like. I bottle things up until I just lose it on someone for something that I should have never really gotten mad about in the first place, or at least not that mad. Just don't be the murderous cashier. Please. I'm like the cashier in some ways, too, but I'd never ever be able to kill anyone, because if I did, I'd have to kill myself. It's good to let your feelings out and not bottle them up all the time, but don't go over the deep end.
You better call if you are going to be in the area. You can get our phone number from Carrie via email if you like. I am sure Carrie would love to see you too.
Yeah...I have to call Carrie and arrange everything...
CALL ME!!!!!!!
*starts singing some Blondie*
I hope you are home this time...last time I tried calling the phone just rang and rang...and no one answered...
*sniffle*
I'll try again tonight...ok?
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