I remember the days of my youth...carefree and not worrying about such trivial things as friendship. Back then I KNEW with my whole being that I had friends and we would be friends forever. But Fate is a cruel and twisted thing...she has taken my friends from long ago, and given me no new ones. I admit, some of this is my fault...as I do not always remember to put effort into it. What happened to the effortless relationships of years past? If you had a fight, you always either forgot or made up 5 minutes after the fact. Now if you have a fight, you don't always know about it, and there is usually never an appology...as pride steps in and gets under foot. I also know I tend to say things that get myself into alot of trouble. Some of those "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" moments, which I kinda wish I could take back, but don't actually want to. I have said my piece and it happened to be my own opinion! If you take offence to it, then that happens to be your problem...don't rain all over me because my opinion deflated your pride a little. I know I may not be so willing to follow my own rules on this one, but at least I make an effort. I don't shun you for voicing your opinion. I don't act all friendly when I am pissed off...unless it has nothing to do with you, then you don't deserve my anger, so why should I show it to you. And since when did jealousy factor into all of my opinions? I don't really care if you have something bigger or better than me! It doesn't affect me in the slightest. So if I voice my opinion about something of yours, it doesn't mean I am jealous, or that I covet what you have, it simply means what I say. And I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't had a good reason to. So stop talking about me behind my back, and stop judging me on that! I said it MONTHS ago! Just drop it and let sleeping dogs lie! I am so sick of hearing about it from everyone! Stop telling everyone! It is none of their business! Why do relationships, friendship or otherwise have to be so complicated? Why do people have to be so two faced? Why can't we all just get along? I just want to live my life without having to deal with your shit! I have my own B.S. to deal with! So just forget it already!
As most of you noticed that was not to be directed at you. I just needed to get it off my chest, but to let other people hear it. I needed to vent. I am not going to name any names! And it's not like the person I was speaking to will ever read this blog...but I feel better now...and that was all I was going for...*sigh*
Ok...so good friends are hard to keep...either they move away, or you grow apart. Or heaven forbid...you have a fight! And I am finding it really hard to make new friends. Don't get me wrong, I am a friendly person, and I have alot of aquantences...but not many that I would call friends, or want to take farther into my "Spiral of friends" Then there are those whom i want to be friends with and hange out with...and they blow me off... Maybe I am doing something wrong. I have probably said something that offended them or they found my dark houmor not amusing. So to the friends I do have, I love you all, and to the friends I have lost...I am sorry.