Monday, July 31, 2006

When life gives you lemons...

You know the old saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...well I think I can improve on that! "When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into their eyes!" Yeah...Mel is a little grumpy lately.

I am very confused about alot of things...nothing that any of you can help me with...I don't know why I am confussed about this stuff...it shouldn't be all that confusing...but I am doing alot of soul searching...and that is always hard...cuz you don't always want to see what you find. And you almost never believe it!

Someone said somethingto me on the weekend that struck a nerve...and got me to thinking...none of it good thoughts. And Sholean said something to me also...she asked me if I was depressed...

A while ago my mom asked me a very simple question...which I cannot answer...She asked me if I was happy...

Why is it that the simple questions are sometimes the hardest to answer?

If you want to know what I am thinking please e-mail me and I maight tell you...but it is a little too personal to be posting all over the web...

Thank you for understanding!

Mel

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mel, luv, if i struck a nerve with you I didn't mean too! The only reason why i ask is because a couple of years ago, i was talking with someone (can't remember who) We figured out that there isn't one person out there right now that doesn't have some sort of ailment. i mean look at me, i have depression, I have a heart murmur... There's things to help you out there. I try and do the natural stuff.

I understand that you're unhappy, some times you need to just run away. I think part of it has to do with cheese. But you know me and you it's always with the cheese. I say take a vacation. By yourself. Not with anyone.

Mel said...

Sholean...you didn't strike a nerve...you made me think about it...and I think I might be...I am going to go in and talk to my family doctor about this...well...maybe...I don't like doctors...they scare me...except for Dr. Whang (pronounced wong)...he is fun! (Subtle gay erotica...hobbits...lol...)

It was Tammy who struck a nerve...and doodle too...but that is another story for another day...
They made me think...and really look at what I am doing to myself and the people around me...it made me take a step back...and analyze what I have become...and I didn't like what I saw...

So it is I who must apologize...to all of you...I am sorry for what I have done to you, and for what I have become! I never ment to be like this...

Also...if you notice that I am more guarded...it is because I am trying not to leak all over you...I have some pretty nasty stuff floating around me...so I threw up my shields...to protect me, yes, but more so to protect you...I do not want you to have to deal with what I am feeling...It would not be fair to you...so I am going to keep my shields in place until I have this all figured out...

Most of you won't notice the change in me...for I am always semi guarded...like at work...but thoes of you close to me will notice...and I am truely sorry for that...but my aura is covered in a thick black sludge from all of the negativity around me...and I do not want to affect yours...

So please bare with me while I sort through alot...and try and find my true self...my creativity, my innocence, my inner goddess...and the young less cynical and unjaded girl of my youth...

Thank you all! For being there for me in the past...and hopefully for being there for me in the future...I hope one day I can repay the favor...

Unknown said...

Aw, Melanie, I'm really sorry that you feel that way. *gives you a big hug and kiss on the cheek* It's really hard to look into yourself and see things that you don't like. I know I have a lot of things about me that are that way. People always say that I'm a great person, but I wonder if they still would if they saw the real me. I think everyone gets depressed at times. I know that for a while I considered the same thing, that I had clinical depression. I had a really bad spell for a while, I got really drunk at home by myself on the computer, and started banging my head again and considering cutting myself. I hadn't done that since high school. If you want to talk to me, I'm always here!! Even if I am far away. Believe me, I know that you're a wonderful person, even if there are some things in this life that have made you feel badly. I think that if you dig down, they're may be some bad stuff, but I know that you'll find the goodness in yourself the farther down you dig. I wuv you, Mennie, and I wouldn't if I thought that you weren't a great person. Well, maybe if you smelled really bad, but you don't. You always smell fabulous. I'm going to email you on my lunch break. I miss you Mennie!!

Mel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mel said...

Thanks...I think...you got me in trouble...when I read the part about the smell...I burst out laughing...and got dirty looks from my supervisor...lol...Cuz I'm not supposed to be doing this stuff at work...Oops...*shrug*

Meh...

Unknown said...

Hey, you may have gotten in trouble, but at least I made you laugh. Just tell them you're having a nervous breakdown and reading blogs is all that keeps you going. Or that you have Tourrettes.

Mel said...

Yeah...my sup already knows I have Tourrettes. He also knows that I am having a mental breakdown...I don't think he cares much...he just likes to bug me! *shrug*

Unknown said...

Well, so long as he understands. And if he bugs you too much, tell him I'll come over there and kick him in the shins. Or smack him with a sackful of nickels.